This article is a continuation of the last entry in the series of articles on "A Spoonful of Sugar."
Cheating
Cheating is a serious problem. It involves betrayal and weakens the couple's sexual and emotional bonds. Many marriages don't survive an episode of cheating.
A marriage depends on the assumption that one's partner is an honest, loyal and trustworthy person. Cheating demonstrates the opposite. Once the unfaithfulness has happened, it throws the relationship off. The faithful partner may never feel like they know if they can ever trust the other one again. The other person put his or her own needs first and destroyed the trust in the relationship.
If there has been infidelity, you must consult with a psychologist together for couple's therapy. The cheating spouse must take responsibility for his or her transgression and the pain it caused. The cheated-on spouse will need to be able to express their feelings including hurt, anger, resentment, embarrassment, humiliation, betrayal, and low self-esteem.
Both parties contributed to the problem, and this needs to be addressed. Often, the person who cheats is dissatisfied with something in the marriage and doesn't have any way to communicate it. Studies have shown that men who cheat are frequently dissatisfied with the quality or frequency of sex with their wives. Women who cheat frequently crave romance and feel underappreciated by their husbands. There are also communication problems within the marriage and a spouse may be acting out in a passive-aggressive way.
Jealousy
Another common problem that can be overcome, but with difficulty, is jealousy. A jealous person is chronically suspicious that their spouse is cheating or taking attention away from him or her and giving it to someone else instead. A jealous person watches every move their partner makes for a sign that he or she is cheating. While it may be rational if the spouse is really cheating, when the other is not violating any promise then the jealousy is irrational.
Often the jealous partner thinks their intense feelings are a sign of love. But jealousy is not love. It is a long-term chronic problem that is fueled by low self-esteem. It leads to a possessive and controlling relationship.
Jealousy damages the trust in a marriage. The jealous person is accusing his or her mate of lying and cheating. Instead of being emotionally supportive of their partner, the jealous person is being critical and accusatory.
A jealous person should see a psychological for individual sessions to deal with the irrational feelings they're are having. They can delve into the lessons they learned growing up or deal with events in the history of the partnership that may have lead to being jealous.
A partner of a jealous person is going to have to figure out whether they want to stick with the relationship. Some of the considerations revolve around how serious the jealousy is, how much they love their partner and whether the positives outweigh the negatives. You can ask your mate to have individual therapy or suggest you go to joint therapy in order to work things out.
This concludes "A spoon of Sugar"
Till next time, be well,
Kim